Happy New Year, everybody! Yesterday, we – finally! – got to tell 2020 to fuck off forever and not let the door hit its arse on the way out.
It has – and I’m being remarkably restrained here – been a fucking shitshow of a year. Will 2021 be any better? We’re still locked down here in England and have the inevitable clusterfuck that is Brexit to look forward to. But, you know what, I’m feeling positive that this year will turn out to be not as shit as the last one.
You would think that 2020 would have been the year when I did lots of writing and I guess I haven’t done too badly. Three books published and 51 blog posts written. But I thought I would get more done. I’ve been stuck at home most of the time after all, what better opportunity to really crack on with getting some words down?
I have a forthcoming book which will be out very soon, I promise. I originally intended to have it published by 28th November, then I pushed it back to the 28th December and now I’m aiming to have it in the virtual shops by the end of January. I’m annoyed at myself that I keep delaying it but am telling myself that it’s OK. Firstly, because nobody is actually bothered about the release date but me and secondly, because I have been suffering with depression for most of the past year and I really ought to give myself a break.
Depression is a pain in the arse (and not in a good way) that I have had to live with all my adult life. Mostly, I manage it. In fact, back in February last year – before everything kicked off – I went to the doctor to discuss lowering the dosage of my anti-depressant medication. I was – I told the doctor – feeling the sanest I ever had.
So at least I got to start off with a full tank, mental health-wise. And while the red light be showing on my mental wellness gauge I am, in this tortured car metaphor that I am going to keep ploughing on with, still on the road.
I am very lucky. I do know that. I have a day job as a Software Developer that can be done just as well from home. I have a wonderfully supportive family, the two best cats in the world and an amazing spanky dommy boyfriend (albeit one I can’t actually see at the moment due to Tier 4 Covid restrictions).
I am fucking sick of counting my blessings, though. I want to go back to being able to take the nice things in my life for granted like I used to. Like when having a sexy spanky date with my Dom used to be solely dependent on us both being available and up for it. Not having to worry about whether we would be breaking the law or whether doing so could kill my parents.
It will get better though. (The Covid stuff, I mean. I have no fucking clue about Brexit.) I now know three people who have had the first vaccine which is a reason for positivity that I am clinging on to.
So, hey there 2021. Let’s get to know one another. I’m not ready to fully embrace you yet but I will give you a wave from a safe two metre distance.