Oh look, it’s Valentine’s Day again. That pretendy-love fest named after the Patron Saint of beekeeping and epilepsy keeps rolling around every year. I am, apparently, powerless to stop it.
|You see those faces in the doorway? NONE of those people were there at the time this picture was taken,
Their images only appeared after this wedding photo was developed. Woooooooooooh.
You all know what a cynical, unromantic curmudgeon I am, right? I will look askance at anyone over the age of fourteen who gives any kind of shit about Valentine’s Day.
And it’s not because I don’t believe in love. I believe in love! I have met actual, real people who are in love in with their life partners. Hell, I’m even related to some of them.
I just think that Valentine’s Day is literally the worst day of the year to express that love. A bunch of flowers given on a random Thursday is a million times more romantic than one given on the 14th of February. (And I am saying this as someone who would love to be given a bunch of flowers occasionally. Even on Valentine’s Day. Honestly, I’m not picky.)
But what do I know of love? Absolutely nothing.
So for insightful observations on the nature of true love, I would like to direct your attention once again to the always amazing Australian songwriter, Tim Minchin.
Because, you know, you can be happily married to a woman you met in your teens and still recognise that “It’s just mathematically unlikely that at a university in Perth / I happened to stumble on the one girl on Earth specifically designed for me”.
And, maybe it’s just me, but if someone ever told me “I don’t think you’re special / I mean, I think you’re special / But you fall within a bell curve”, I’d respect them a hell of a lot. Because I do like a man with a good understanding of mathematical probability.
There’s a longer version of this song. Worth mentioning because this version contains the lines
You’re lovely but there must be girls as lovely as you
And maybe more open to spanking or table tennis
I’m just saying
And you know, I can never un-hear a spanking reference. Especially when it’s being said by Tim Minchin. Shame he’s so very obviously in love with his wife. (And if you listen all the way to the end of that longer clip, you’ll appreciate that Mrs Minchin sounds every kind of awesome.)
Unfortunately, come to think of it, my table tennis skills are terrible. Bang goes my chances of a threesome.
|Well, this went slightly off-topic.|
Enjoy your Valentine’s Days, everyone! Whatever you’re doing. Having candlelit dinners, swapping clichéd gifts, making heart-shaped food items, imagining threeways with Tim Minchin and his wife. Whatever. I’m not going to judge you.
I feel obliged at this point to mention the VALENTINES Corbin Bend collection of VALENTINES stories of VALENTINE-ness. Buy them all now! Or at least, my one.