The third and final instalment of the Fifty Shades trilogy, Fifty Shades Freed, was released in cinemas a couple of weeks ago. I reviewed the first two films for otherwise respectable film website Mostly Film. Because apparently I can’t stop having opinions about the whole franchise. Mostly those opinions aren’t all that complimentary to be…
Category: Film Reviews
The Duke of Burgundy
I feel like I should put a *MASSIVE SPOILER ALERT* at the top of this post. The Duke of Burgundy is not the sort of film you can spoil exactly. It’s not a whodunit. It’s not like I’m going to give away the fact that the main protagonist was a secret alien cyborg from the future…
Disney Marriages – Which Ones Will Go the Distance? Part 1
Yesterday I promised you an in depth analysis into Disney Romances. And like Rapunzel in Tangled, when I promise something, I never ever break that promise. (That’s bollocks obviously. I have broken a shit-ton of promises in my life. Still, it’s nice to know that Rapunzel ended up with such a strong moral compass despite…
Tangled: Hair, hi-jinks, hugs and happily ever afters
I have just finished rewatching Disney’s Tangled and am feeling all warm and fuzzy because, honestly, anyone who doesn’t feel all tingly around the heart area at the end of Tangled probably lacks a fully functioning soul. Rapunzel and Flynn Rider are an adorable couple. They are one of my favourite Disney couples of all time….
Sex Machine (Get Up, Stay on the Scene)
In the Coen brothers’ movie Burn after Reading, there is a scene in which George Clooney takes Frances McDormand into his basement and shows her a very singular chair which he has constructed, having seen similar things for sale in “gentleman’s magazines” for twelve hundred dollars. “I’m lookin’ at this thing,” he tells her “and…
Spanking A2Z: Unicorns to Zoetropes
So last month, I participated in Celeste Jones’s Spanking A2Z challenge. As required, I produced blog posts for ALL the letters of the alphabet from A to T. Only, you know what? Apparently, there are more letters after T in the alphabet. Who knew? I blame the British education system. (Although to be fair, you’d have…
Some Day My Prince Will Come
I went to see Into The Woods this week which despite ticking every one of my movie must-see boxes (Re-interpreted fairytale / Sung-through musical / Has Johnny Depp in it) was all kinds of terrible. A nineteen hour mishmash of incomprehensible plot and terrible songs. Clearly this is just my opinion. Other people (people whose…
Lars Von Trier’s Nymphomaniac
The posters were a lie, by the way. You only get to see about 30% of these people’s cum faces. Tops. Nymphomaniac is an epic four hour film by avant-garde director, Lars von Trier. It was split into two parts when released at the cinema presumably because there’s a limit to how much artily directed wall-to-wall…
Five Spanking Books I’d Love To See On The Big Screen
Fifty Shades of Grey: The Motion Picture will be coming to cinemas everywhere next year. As I mentioned in my blog post the other day, I don’t think it’s the worst bit of erotic fiction ever written. It is, though, very far from being the best. You know what spanking fiction book would make a…
Fifty Shades of Grey Movie Trailer – Good, Bad or Ugly?
The Fifty Shades of Grey Movie Trailer is out. We may have another seven months to prepare ourselves for the actual film but at least we get a sneak preview of Dakota Johnson looking winsome and Jamie Dornan standing outside a helicopter. For any of us working in the sexy-book-writing business, it is impossible to…