In the Coen brothers’ movie Burn after Reading, there is a scene in which George Clooney takes Frances McDormand into his basement and shows her a very singular chair which he has constructed, having seen similar things for sale in “gentleman’s magazines” for twelve hundred dollars. “I’m lookin’ at this thing,” he tells her “and…
Category: Film Reviews
World Beard Day
Today – as I am sure each and every one of you is aware – is World Beard Day. All across the planet, people are hosting Beard-themed celebrations, street parties and orgies. Probably. I don’t know. I don’t get out much, to be honest. I want to like this. But it looks kind of grimy,…
Spanking A2Z: Unicorns to Zoetropes
So last month, I participated in Celeste Jones’s Spanking A2Z challenge. As required, I produced blog posts for ALL the letters of the alphabet from A to T. Only, you know what? Apparently, there are more letters after T in the alphabet. Who knew? I blame the British education system. (Although to be fair, you’d have…
Some Day My Prince Will Come
I went to see Into The Woods this week which despite ticking every one of my movie must-see boxes (Re-interpreted fairytale / Sung-through musical / Has Johnny Depp in it) was all kinds of terrible. A nineteen hour mishmash of incomprehensible plot and terrible songs. Clearly this is just my opinion. Other people (people whose…
Lars Von Trier’s Nymphomaniac
The posters were a lie, by the way. You only get to see about 30% of these people’s cum faces. Tops. Nymphomaniac is an epic four hour film by avant-garde director, Lars von Trier. It was split into two parts when released at the cinema presumably because there’s a limit to how much artily directed wall-to-wall…
Five Spanking Books I’d Love To See On The Big Screen
Fifty Shades of Grey: The Motion Picture will be coming to cinemas everywhere next year. As I mentioned in my blog post the other day, I don’t think it’s the worst bit of erotic fiction ever written. It is, though, very far from being the best. You know what spanking fiction book would make a…
Fifty Shades of Grey Movie Trailer – Good, Bad or Ugly?
The Fifty Shades of Grey Movie Trailer is out. We may have another seven months to prepare ourselves for the actual film but at least we get a sneak preview of Dakota Johnson looking winsome and Jamie Dornan standing outside a helicopter. For any of us working in the sexy-book-writing business, it is impossible to…
Six things that sound like they should be porn but aren’t
A Very Naughty Girl Written in 1901 by prolific children’s writer L T Meade, this is a moralistic tale about an orphaned heiress who goes to live with her stiff English relatives and learns important life lessons about not lying and thinking of others and stuff. Nothing sexy happens anywhere. Unfortuantely due to some confusion…
What’s in a name?
How important are character names in books? Sure, a name is often the first thing your readers will learn about a character but surely any name will end up fitting if you’ve written the character well enough. Like with real people. Unlike fictional people, real people don’t have proper personalities when they’re given names. Sometimes…
When Movie Posters Lie About Spanking
Yesterday I complained loud and long about John Wayne’s use of a coal shovel as a spanking implement in McLintock. And you know what? I’m clearly not the only person who doesn’t associate coal shovels with sexy, spanking action. Below is the original theatrical poster for McLintock. Notice anything missing? Here’s the same scene from…